SEPTEMBER 2, 1994
GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE
B-3
FROM THE HART
Should I date my best friend's ex-girlfriend?
Advice on love, relationships and other issues relevant to sexual minorities.
Dear Taylor,
by Taylor Hart
My best friend and I recently attended a party together. There we ran into one of my friend's ex-girlfriends. Well, her ex and I seemed to really hit it off, and she even asked me out. Because I was very attracted to her, I accepted.
When I told my best friend that her ex asked me out, she got very angry and told me to cancel the date. Though she says that there is nothing between them now, and that they are now just friends, she claims that she would feel betrayed if I were to date an ex-girlfriend of hers. She says that if I respect our friendship I will stay away from her ex.
I don't know what to do, Taylor! The last thing I want to do is to hurt my best friend. But I really want to accept this date. What should I do?
Dear Loyal Friend,
Loyal Friend
You did the right thing by being up-front with your friend and telling her about your accepting a date with her ex. Your informing her demonstrated a great deal of caring and respect for her feelings. If she had found out about the date some other way she may have felt that you were sneaking around behind her back.
The difference, it seems, is in the interpretation. You were trying to share information with your friend because you care about her feelings. She interpreted your telling her as a request for permission.or approval. That is a point on which she needs clarification.
The bottom line here is "boundaries." Where does your responsibilities to your friend end and your responsibilities to yourself begin? Your friend made an unrealistic and unfair demand of you. She over-stepped your boundaries in an attempt to deal with her own feelings for her ex. Perhaps she still cares for her ex. Or, perhaps she still has unresolved issues about her. If so, she may feel that you are coming between the two of them, even though "they" no longer exist. Her feelings for, or about, her ex and your accepting a date with her ex are two separate issues. It is possible for you to care for both of them at the same time.
Accept the date if that is what you want to do. Reassure your friend that you still care for her and respect her feelings, but that
you need to do what you feel is best for yourself. If she can't accept your choices and your warm feelings for her, then there is nothing more you can do for her. Her feelings are her own responsibility.
Dear Taylor,
Is it true that the best things in life are free? Lady Luck
Dear Lady Luck,
Am I buying or selling?
Dear Taylor,
Where can I get free condoms?
Dear Danny,
Danny E.
Condoms are available, free of charge, at most gay and lesbian bars.
Dental dams, a 6" x 6" piece of latex used as a barrier when performing oral sex on a woman, are sometimes available at lesbian bars.
Here is a brief list of other free condom sources (other sources may be available): In Columbus:
Stonewall Union Center, 47 West 5th Ave., Columbus 43201; 614-299-7764
Columbus AIDS Task Force, 1500 West 3rd, Suite 329, Columbus 43212; 614-4882437
Columbus Health Department, 181 Washington Blvd., Columbus 43215; 614-
645-7773
In Cleveland:
Lesbian-Gay Community Service Center, 1418 W. 29th Street, Cleveland 44113; 216-522-1999 or 216-861-5454 evenings
AIDS Task Force of Greater Cleveland, 2250 Euclid Ave., Cleveland 44114; 216621-0766
Free Clinic of Greater Cleveland, 12201 Euclid Ave., Cleveland 44106; 216-7214010
In Lorain and Elyria:
The Ohio Human Interest Organization's Lorain Lesbian-Gay Center, 150 Foster Park Rd. N. Main, Amherst 44052; 216-9885326, 800-447-7163
In Akron and Canton:
North East Ohio Task Force on AIDS, 667 N. Main Street, Akron, Ohio 44310 216-375-2000
Quest Recovery Services, 1341 Market Ave. N, Canton Ohio 44714; 216-453-8252 In Youngstown:
Call the Youngstown Health Department at 216-652-2095 for information.
Please remember that there are other sources for cost-free condoms that are not listed above. If I have not listed a source in your area, please refer to the Resource Di-
rectory "AIDS Services" listing in the back of Section A of Chronicle. You can also try calling the Planned Parenthood Counseling Center in your area. You see? Safer sex doesn't have to be expensive!
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